HAHA

me: Who is ronnie off limits to?

jonathan: every sister I have

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

moments

Today I hung out with some of the people I love most today. I tried my best to just really treasure the moment, to soak it all in because I knew that in a few days, things would start changing drastically.

One by one, everyone's leaving. The thing is though, it's not processing in my head. I feel like they're just going on vacation for a few weeks and I'm going to be able to hang out with them again after they come back. It still hasn't hit me yet that this really might be the last time I see some of my friends.

We went to Outback Steakhouse, a place in front of my house that I actually never went to before. Food was mediocre, but spending it with people I love so much made everything so perfect. After we went to Menchie's, again a place I've never been to before but in front of my house. Being able to spend even just a little more time with them made me so happy even though I was dying from some weird stomach pains.

I'm going to miss moments like these.

Taking Things Non-Personally

I realized the true gift of taking things non-personally. 

It’s so easy for anyone to read something about them, and take offense at what they read and attempt to defend themselves. When you learn not to take things so personally, it’s easier to see the brighter side of life. You learn to feel sorry for that person rather than feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t defend yourself, but you learn that some things need to change. Taking things personally, from experience, has always made me self-pity myself, depressed, and angry. Self-pity: I feel that I did nothing wrong and I deserve more than what the other person is saying about me. Depressed: I feel so sad knowing that someone hates me. Angry: What right does that person have to say that about me? 

Recently, I learned that not taking things personally has made me feel happier. When you learn not to take things personally, you yourself control how you feel, not others.

emptiness

Today, one of my close friends +Ronnie Saxena left today for the east coast. Definitely felt the feels. Hung out at Justin's house today, definitely wasn't the same. I miss his "ya bish," his trolls, his laugh, and his loud personality. Ronnie brought something to the table that none of us can really provide... I can't really put my finger on it, but I can definitely tell something is missing. Life here definitely feels more empty without him. I miss his presence. Ronnie was someone who brought things together. Groups of friends are naturally cliquey, only hanging out with people they are comfortable with. Ronnie broke that, he made cliques join together. He made people friends with each other. Because of Ronnie, I became closer to people I wouldn't even dream that I would be close to. He brought people together as one unit. I'm going to miss him so much.

As If Time Stopped

To be honest, why do I even care at all? Who are they even that they matter to me? Screw them. 

I asked them a question, and all of a sudden they go defensive and start becoming protective. If you never even were going to tell me the answer, why did you FREAKING waste my time and ask me all those useless questions. I don't understand you at all. Yeah, go ahead and sleep. Because what? It's awkward now? You feel uncomfortable? I don't give, cause honestly, I don't give a crap about you. I really thought you were a close friend of mine, but honestly, I know almost nothing about you. Why? Because you never even tell me anything. Go struggle with your own life. If you refuse to open yourself up, I refuse to even let you talk to me. Go find someone else.

I'm so pissed that it's as if time stopped.