Grace

What did Job, Habakkuk, and Paul all have in common? They understood God's grace.

Job had everything. In modern-day, he'd be the Warren Buffett of our time period: good with his money, knew his way around business, had a lot of assets, and generally respected by the people around him. Job had 7000 sheep. Just try to imagine 7000 sheep. How large of a plot of land do you have to have to even keep those sheep. Job had 3000 camels. On top of that sheep he had another 3000 camels. Okay, he's already hit 10,000 animals in his farm, what more does he want. He doesn't stop there, though. He had another 500 yoke of oxen and 500 female donkeys. So a yoke actually uses two oxen, so 500 yoke of oxen = 1000 oxen. Altogether, he had 11,500 animals in his farm. Where in the world do you even keep that. But that's what he had, and in the Bible it states that "this man was the greatest of all the people of the east" (Job 1:3). Basically, he was the richest. On top of that, Job was faithful to God, but that's just because he had a lot of wealth right? Like, Job all 'bout that prosperity gospel right?? Oh heck no.
Satan is given permission by God to actually torment this guy without killing him, just to prove that Job was only faithful to God because of his wealth. He kills all his family (his many daughters and sons), his whole 11,500 animals, his mansion he probably had, and even his health. For me, I'd probably want to die at the point Satan takes away my kids. I'd be like "God! Just take me away right now!" But I'm glad it was Job and not me in this situation. Through this whole tragedy, Job concludes with this: "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed by the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21).

Habakkuk literally doubted God's wisdom. This guy literally straight up complains to God, asking why God's so idle at this time of destruction (Habakkuk 1:3). God's just like, "Don't worry ya fool, I got this. I got a perfect plan don't you worry" (obviously paraphrased HAHA). Though all the destruction around him, after chatting with God a bit, Habakkuk straight up says "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation" (Habakkuk 3:17-18).

Ahh now Paul my favorite.
Let's just go over, what he left. He left his stable and highly respected job. If he lived in this day, he probably would've received a Nobel prize in the Jewish community. He was like the smartest dude of the Torah; everyone went to him when they needed a reliable answer to a question. He killed the fanatics called the newly "Christians." Yet God changed him. He showed him Christ. Christ appears to Paul and literally changes his life and reveals that He truly was God and that His death on the Christ meant life. And that's when Paul understood that this Christ was the Messiah.
From a guy to having everything, he eventually had nothing. He was left in jail, and he even had to begin relying on the donations of the early churches he started. How embarrassing, right?? Oh heck no. This guy was on a mission: spreading this new Jesus to everyone.
Just like Job, he lost everything. But what does he say? He says that we should have no confidence in the flesh (confidence in ourselves and our earthly desires and foundation in what we have achieved in an earthly sense), though he had every reason to. But this is what he says: "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him ..." (Philippians 3:7-9). It goes but, I just really wanna focus on that part "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

I'm just gonna put part of a verse down before I jump into my next section
"as having nothing, yet possessing everything." (2 Corinithians 6:10)
I think I finally understand this and how Paul comes to this conclusion. All three of these guys understand that although they had nothing (in Habakkuk's case, if he had nothing), they still had everything... How ironic right? How can one have everything when they have nothing! But it makes so much sense. When we have Christ in our heart, when we know that our sins have been crucified with Christ, we do have everything. We have every reason to celebrate and rejoice even if we have nothing. Job lost everything, but he still praises God. Habakkuk knows that even if he were to lose everything (very applicable), he would still rejoice in God. Paul considered everything rubbish compared to knowing Christ.
That's real joy. They understood God's grace through the gift of Christ on the cross for us. They understood that although they had no worldly possessions, they still had everything in Christ. I want to be more like these guys...

HAHA

me: Who is ronnie off limits to?

jonathan: every sister I have

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

moments

Today I hung out with some of the people I love most today. I tried my best to just really treasure the moment, to soak it all in because I knew that in a few days, things would start changing drastically.

One by one, everyone's leaving. The thing is though, it's not processing in my head. I feel like they're just going on vacation for a few weeks and I'm going to be able to hang out with them again after they come back. It still hasn't hit me yet that this really might be the last time I see some of my friends.

We went to Outback Steakhouse, a place in front of my house that I actually never went to before. Food was mediocre, but spending it with people I love so much made everything so perfect. After we went to Menchie's, again a place I've never been to before but in front of my house. Being able to spend even just a little more time with them made me so happy even though I was dying from some weird stomach pains.

I'm going to miss moments like these.

Taking Things Non-Personally

I realized the true gift of taking things non-personally. 

It’s so easy for anyone to read something about them, and take offense at what they read and attempt to defend themselves. When you learn not to take things so personally, it’s easier to see the brighter side of life. You learn to feel sorry for that person rather than feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t defend yourself, but you learn that some things need to change. Taking things personally, from experience, has always made me self-pity myself, depressed, and angry. Self-pity: I feel that I did nothing wrong and I deserve more than what the other person is saying about me. Depressed: I feel so sad knowing that someone hates me. Angry: What right does that person have to say that about me? 

Recently, I learned that not taking things personally has made me feel happier. When you learn not to take things personally, you yourself control how you feel, not others.

emptiness

Today, one of my close friends +Ronnie Saxena left today for the east coast. Definitely felt the feels. Hung out at Justin's house today, definitely wasn't the same. I miss his "ya bish," his trolls, his laugh, and his loud personality. Ronnie brought something to the table that none of us can really provide... I can't really put my finger on it, but I can definitely tell something is missing. Life here definitely feels more empty without him. I miss his presence. Ronnie was someone who brought things together. Groups of friends are naturally cliquey, only hanging out with people they are comfortable with. Ronnie broke that, he made cliques join together. He made people friends with each other. Because of Ronnie, I became closer to people I wouldn't even dream that I would be close to. He brought people together as one unit. I'm going to miss him so much.

As If Time Stopped

To be honest, why do I even care at all? Who are they even that they matter to me? Screw them. 

I asked them a question, and all of a sudden they go defensive and start becoming protective. If you never even were going to tell me the answer, why did you FREAKING waste my time and ask me all those useless questions. I don't understand you at all. Yeah, go ahead and sleep. Because what? It's awkward now? You feel uncomfortable? I don't give, cause honestly, I don't give a crap about you. I really thought you were a close friend of mine, but honestly, I know almost nothing about you. Why? Because you never even tell me anything. Go struggle with your own life. If you refuse to open yourself up, I refuse to even let you talk to me. Go find someone else.

I'm so pissed that it's as if time stopped.